Saving Marriage from the Sharks
For a much-needed break from our usual serious talk about the ban, let's turn to America's finest news source, The Onion.
A recent report announces that Senator Bill Frist introduced a new constitutional ban that would "severely limit the ability of sharks to 'mutilate the institution of marriage until it is completely unrecognizable.'"
The text of the amendment:
Marriage is a union between one man and one woman, and no shark should come between them with its powerful jaws and massive dorsal fin.On why it was introduced:
Bill S-691, also known as The Protection Of Marital Extremities Act, was co-sponsored by Mel Martinez (R–FL), who said that, as a devoted husband, he would not want his own 25-year marriage to be split to pieces by a shark, and hinted that opponents of the bill were in fact aiding the fish in their "murderous ways."And what the polls are saying:
According to recent polls, only 22 percent of voters who live in shark-infested areas on either of the country's coasts say they are "very worried" about the damage sharks could wreak on married couples, while that number jumps to 86 percent in more conservative, landlocked, regions of the South and Midwest—a statistic that opponents of the new bill are using to bolster their argument.Enjoy the full article here.